I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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