i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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