I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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