I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
