she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
