the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
