had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
