There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
