I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
