haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
