Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
