I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
