epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
