party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
