chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
