Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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