i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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