Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize