her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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