Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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