:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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