I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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