Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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