awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
