dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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