I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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