I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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