6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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