Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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