...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
