I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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