WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
