he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize