At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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