bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
