I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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