apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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