Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
