where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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