First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
