everyone is single if you try hard enough
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need to calm my uterus...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
