Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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