Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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