There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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