do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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