Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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