trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
