you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
