so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There's always time for handjobs
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
