yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
