Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
