it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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