Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
