Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
