office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
