Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
