man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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