She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
