come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
