Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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