During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Couch. On fire.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
