And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
