Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's great music for shaving your balls
he fucked my hip out of place.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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