she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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