He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
