i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
