Christians are straight up FREAKS
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
