I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
