What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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