community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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