Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
