Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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