I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hope mine doesn't look like that
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize