I'm jealous of your bromance
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
