Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
