Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
