Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
