sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
