All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
