i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
