That's intense
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
