I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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