I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
