were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So many bounce houses so little time
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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