Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
