took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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