Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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