Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
