In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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