dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
