Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
