So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize