My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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