I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
