one might say we're banned from that church
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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