i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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