I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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