we have officially lost it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
