oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
