what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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